A Beginner's guide to the MLS, pt. 1

If you’re anything like myself, the MLS is an exciting, mysterious enigma. The Beautiful Game played in America, the Beautiful. Additionally, if you’re anything like I was you really don’t know the first thing about it. Assuming you know the basics of soccer, I’ve prepared a beginners guide to the MLS! Welcome to 2011!

A Bit of History

The league was founded in 1996 with 10 teams. Piggybacking off the rise in prominence of soccer in the US after the 1994 USA World Cup, the league boasted fairly high attendance and some big name players.A few coming years brought lower attendances and lower financial success, ebbing and flowing with the success of the US National Team. It took a few tumultuous years until 2004 when the National Team had the surprise success of making it to the quarterfinals of the World Cup to re-solidify the MLS as a league.

It’s now 2011 and the league has 18 teams with 1 rumoured team in the works. Gradual economic success is coming to the league as it matures and things are looking up! Why don’t we meet the teams now?

The Teams

There are 16 existing MLS teams plus 2 new additions this year spreadthroughout the US and Canada. To make scheduling a bit easier, the teams are divided into the East and West conference. They are as follows (in alphabetical order, I don’t play favourites! Editor’s note: Come on the U!)

Eastern Conference

Chicago Fire

Expansion team from 1998, the Chicago Fire has 1 precious league title to their name. Defying most expectations, they stole the title in their first year in the MLS. Despite some competitive sparks (heh… spark, fire, get it?) like the signing of Chicago-native Brian McBride in 2008, the Fire has got 3 other championship appearances in their history.

Big moves are hoped for this year from the chi-town faithful, despite some big name departures (namely the USMNT hero Brian McBride and Designated Player Freddie Ljungberg). With new signings Diego Chavez and Nery Castillo, the fire are hoping to reignite the embers of their past success in 2011

Columbus Crew

The Crew is one of the old guard of the MLS. An inaugural team from 1996, it took 12 years for the crew to win their title despite minor domestic and international success in the U.S. Open Cup and the CONCACAF Champions League. Departure of MLS Best XI and MLS MVP striker Guillermo Barros Schelotto will put a big hurt on the Crew’s offensive output along with whole-sale changes in midfield and defense.

Columbus Crew stadium will have a lot of new faces in 2011, and are sure to surprise as head coach Robert Warzycha hopes to maintain the Crew’s reputation as an MLS heavyweight.

D.C. United

If Columbus is a heavyweight of the old guard, D.C. United is the King. League leading 4 title holders United haven’t won since 2004 and have had a couple dismal years. Falling from grace is never easy, but the black and reds (as they are known for their uniforms) haven’t given up. The return of the All-American Charlie Davies hopes to raise the morale, and perhaps more importantly the goal scoring output of the D.C. outfit.

The residents of RFK Stadium will hope this year can begin a revitalization to past success under new head coach Ben Olsen. Sharing rivalries with some of the other east coast, tri-state teams New York, Philadelphia, and even the more remote New England Revolution, its never dull to watch a local derby when D.C. is involved.

Houston Dynamo

2006 entrants to the MLS, the Houston Dynamo enjoyed immediate success in the league. Under the big guns of U.S. national forward Brian Ching, and MLS stalwart midfielder Dwayne De Rosario, the Dynamo ended the season not only with the impressive record of 11-8-13, but with an MLS cup. 2007 would bring another MLS cup to the wunderkinds in Houston.

Political and financial moves in 2008 resulted in the Dynamo being sold to a different owner group. Ching was still a major force with the Dynamo, but even he could only bring the Dynamo to a 2nd place league finish and a loss in the play-offs for the cup. Like D.C. United in the east, the Dynamo will hope to resurge as a power in the MLS after not qualifying for the play-offs in 2010.


New England Revolution

Another one of the original 1996 teams, the New England Revolution have always been the poor-fortune team of the MLS. Boasting a league challenging 4 appearances in an MLS cup final, the Revs have never won a cup. History shows the New Englanders roster feature a number of US National players, but those days have passed and stars Shalrie Joseph and Sainey Nyassi will hope to change the fortunes of the Revs who will be desperate to grab hold of any play-off spot they can steal.

New York Red Bulls

The New York Red Bulls follow the pedigree of local MLB team the Yankees for the somewhat derogatory reason of having a lot of money. They’ve used their money to buy a beautiful new stadium in Harrison, New Jersey and a few players you may have heard of. Recently departed Colombian star Juan-Pablo Angél‘s 13 goals led the big money Red Bulls to a 3rd place overall league finish along with the support of 2 international acquisitions Thierry Henry and Rafael Marquez, both from FC Barcelona in Spain.

Despite Angél’s departure, the Red Bulls will hope to rely a little more on Henry and youngsters like Tim Ream and Juan Agudelo this season as they venture to finally seize any silverware at all and to fill their stadium a bit more consistently in a big year for the New Yorkers.

Philadelphia Union

Struggling through a lackluster inaugural season last year, the Philadelphia Union will hope for some stability. At home in the shiny new PPL Park, the Union will enjoy a more regular schedule as well as a few new names on the roster.

Ex-FC Köln keeper Faryrd Móndragon and Colombian center back Carlos Valdés will hope to bring some brick and mortar to an otherwise-flimsy defense, while MLS legend forward Carlos Ruiz’s return to the league will hopefully add a few tallies to score-sheets. New faces will bolster the ranks of hidden gem Sébastian Le Toux and promising youngster Danny Mwanga as the Union look for an improvement over last year.

Sporting Kansas City (previously Kansas City Wizards)

The new and improved Sporting Kansas City return in 2011 with a rather drastic face-lift with a complete rebranding. New shirts, a new name, and some new faces will bring some new energy to the inaugural Kansas natives.

American young gun Teal Bunbury will enjoy a partnership with Mexican national striker Omar Bravo to hopefully end a relative drought of goals form the 3rd from the bottom last year finish. Additionally, a new stadium, Sporting Park, will hope to give the new SKC a new home for their new identity in mid-June when it is planned to open.

Toronto FC

2007 saw the expansion of the MLS into Canada. The forgettable record of 6-17-7 was overshadowed by the large attendance and excitement of the new team’s fans. Despite the enthusiasm, TFC currently only has 14 members listed to their team. This, by no means is final, but still casts a pall on the Reds.

Hopes that Dwayne De Rosario can continue his hot streak of goals seem to be one of the brightest hopes TFC has got, unless they can impress with some signings before the season begins. 2011 could be a long year for the Canadians, particularly with the introduction of another Canadian team that looks menacing.


For the Western Conference teams and some more MLS familiarization, check back in a few days and most importantly: Enjoy the MLS!

~JM

Personal Life

The American punk sometimes-trio-sometimes-duo, The Thermals have a new album coming out on Tuesday and I was gloriously endowed by the gods of rock with an advanced copy! Being a huge fan of The Thermals, I was excited, but somewhat concerned. I had no idea what to expect.

When I first heard their 2004 sophomore release 'Fuckin A' I was floored. The unbridled punk energy was exactly what I was looking for and it had the lyrical and thematic complexity to match. The strong authorial intellect conveyed the in ‘Fuckin A’ made it easy to believe their next 2 albums would be a little bit more focused and a bit more pointed. 2006’s ‘The Body, The Blood, and the Machine’ proved me right while delivering a more controlled album, interested just as much in kicking ass as telling a story. ‘Now We Can See’ followed suit in 2009. The group’s second concept album shifted from a politico-religious story to more of a personal philosophical aesthetic.
Running the gamut from a violent, angst-punk band to a sophisticated mainstay of modern music I didn’t know where ‘Personal Life’, their newest album, would land on the spectrum.
After diving in to the album and digesting as much as I could, I’m still not sure. A forlorn, unavoidable aloneness seems to permeate the beginning of the album, which might not be a surprising follow-up to albums about fleeing a failed society followed by an album about a person’s death decay and fading from existence, but the album ends with a kind of understanding or lesson learned about life and its trappings.
Thematically much more interested in a singular, personal relationship; a shift from the grand ideas of their last 2 albums and a shift towards ‘Fuckin A’, the album strikes me as a retrospect of the first youthful foray into a relationship. The thematic motif mirrors the sound of the album dwelling on the lilting adolescent delivery of “You Changed My Life” and naivety of “I’m Gonna Change Your Life”.
The teenage mentality begins to dissolve with the disappointed “Power Lies” and the hopelessly down-tone “Alone, a Fool”, but the brightness resumes with “Your Love Is So Strong” and finishes out the album. While initially seeming juvenile sapience seeps in to the latter tracks concluding with a feeling of lessons learned along the way.
From beginning to end the album follows the arc of a wide-eyed youth infatuation. To me the ability to sound mature and comfortable telling the story of juvenile awkward relationship proves exciting aptitude. It seems The Thermals are indeed easing into a sound that is undeniably The Thermals and I love it


~JM

This is Happening

I find myself becoming a bigger and bigger fan of electronic music. With Crystal Castles newest (great) album and now LCD Soundsystem, I think it safe to declare myself a fan of the genre.

"The Is Happening" The new jaun from LCD Soundsystem blends absurdity with unrivaled timing and skill to create one of the most confusing mixes of aural assault I've experienced in months. Track one, "Dance Yourself Clean" is a perfect example of the phenomena. The song starts with humorous, almost silly, lyrics told in a lazy drawl only to give way to obnoxiously awesome synth face melting later in the song.

The bipolarity of the album creates, rather than anger, a sense of frenetic, carefree, happiness. "Drunk Girls", for example, the second track and first single is a jaunty romp that gives the feeling that LCD Soundsystem is playing at party that you are attending (perhaps at my house... my house). Gang vocals and unflappably upbeat, the song hides deep and somber lyrics beneath.

My personal favourite track on the album, "I Can Change", exhibits the lyrical (and mostly thematic) depth that I didn't expect from the album in a really easy to swallow and comprehend candy-coated package. The mournful and longing lyrics are delivered beautifully. The song, to me, is a beautiful summary of modern romance and its split personality.

I also feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention another opus off the album "Pow Pow". I think Mr. Murphy has either been listening to too much Talking Heads or just hanging out with David Byrn too much. It is a 8 minute spoken word gem riddled with things than remind me unmistakably of the state of the world 10 years before my birth.

The album, not only ensured my love of the electronic genre, but reinvigorated my appreciation for wordplay. I would most definitely recommend a DL asap.

~JM

Brothers

I just got the new Black Keys album a bit early (retails on May 18th in the US) and I gotta say: After listening to their other most recent album "Attack & Release" I was expecting more of the same... the glorious blues rocky same, but I was surprised (both pleasantly and not so) at the differences.

The first song (and what I assume will be a single) "Everlasting Light" starts with a kind of poppy base and drum line that would feel at home in a funky Passion Pit song gives way to distorted falsetto Dan Auerbach vocals that... also feel a little Passion-Pitty. You can see, now, why I was so thrown when first listening, but hell... I like Passion Pit so it was fun. I was worried, however, that the rest of the album would also be a departure from what I tend to expect from the traditional blues jamming duo.

The kind of experimental, less raw instrumentals feel equally at home in the next song "Next Girl" as well, but it feels more like the Black Keys. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this more synthy transition in their style. It does seem to be in vogue these days (see: Contra - Vampire Weekend, LP - Discovery, et all) and they HAVE kind of been easing their listener-base into the feel with Attack & Release being produced by Danger Mouse and Blakroc featuring Black Keys hip-hop loops.

Interestingly enough, the change to the more relevant, post-production-heavy, style that The Black Keys seem to have latched onto for this album doesn't always produce tracks that feel at home next to the likes of Broken Bells. The penultimate track "Never Gonna Give You Up" (you aren't getting Rick Roll'd I promise) feels like it was released by a soulful 4 piece from the 60's. It's a kind of eclectic feel, but I do like it.

While this change in style doesn't pervade the album as much as it does on the first track, it is still there on the rest of the album. I will always love "Magic Potion" for the unadulterated ROCK there, but I guess this is how the Black Keys are evolving sonically. While its different, it is by no means bad. In fact its more delicious Black Keys stylings, and that is something I will always be happy to see.

~JM

P.s. If the leaked album art I saw is truly the album art (pictured above) I love the shit out of the Black Keys even more

Why Can't We Be 'Born Free'

M.I.A. has a new music video. Haven't you heard? Its big news apparently, as CNN writer Lisa France has a nice article about it. It is also, apparently, big news because there is graphic violence and sex in it. After reading hte article I was intrigued so I ventured to find the video.

As the article explained, the video was at one point removed from Youtube much to M.I.A. herself's chagrin. She was quoted as saying (through Twitter)"FUCK UMG [her label] WHO WONT SHOW IT ON YOUTUBE! FOR THE U.S". She then linked the video to her own site where it currently plays on loop. So now ignoring the fire of internet hype-machine (exacerbated by Youtube and stoked by M.I.A.) and focusing on the video itself.

Yes there is graphic nudity and violence. Yes it is almost 9 minutes long. What I don't understand is why this video is such a big deal. I guess I have a unique point of view, not being a college professor on the media or a journalist, but I don't get the hullabaloo. Sure M.I.A. is loving the press, but why are all of these outlets so willing to throw it at her?

Flanel-adorned MTV.com writer James Montgomery hails M.I.A. as being bold and citing this video as "A reason I love M.I.A." Maybe I am just so desensitized to the things this video shows, but it is simple sensationalism. This isn't to say I didn't like the video or that I felt it had no impact. I just don't think the danger surrounding this video is deserved.

M.I.A., for those who don't know is the daughter of a Sri Lankan revolutionary and has always been a little volatile with political messages. The message in this video, while volatile is clear(not warranting response tweets like user Ziggy0Stardust's "@ M.I.A. can u tell us what u were tryin [sic] to say wiv [sic] the born free vid please". The events in the video are an allegory for the current times. The redheaded children that are rounded up and killed are a placeholder for any ethnicity, religion, or group that is oppressed.

Redheaded people are the perfect group to be oppressed in the video with the satire already surrounding the minority (see southpark), but more-so for the knee-jerk reaction that most have when seeing it. I heard "Why redheads?" more than once while on-lookers watched the video for the first time. This is one of the most roaring successes of the video. A viewer is forced to ask this question and then consider "Why Arabs?" or "Why Mexican immigrants?". While obviously the prejudice held against some of these groups is not as extreme as that held in the video, the point stands.

The video, and the brutality therein, also forces viewers to think about those carrying out the violence. While they do bear resemblance to American riot police or SWAT members, they are never explicitly stated as such (a point that Montgomery doesn't seem to realize). They bear no insignias and are completely dehumanized. They carry certain symbols of totalitarian police oppression like the riot shield, gas mask, and M16 to further reinforce the anonymity and universal-ness of the oppressors. The viewer gets the sick feeling in their stomach that this could happen tomorrow or even that this has already happened.

The vaguely European looking redheaded children in the video also reinforce the gritty realism of the video. They don't look like movie stars or poster children. They look like that kid from down the street or a grammar school friend. Their moroseness and helplessness and then absolute fear seem genuine and I must applaud both the actors and casting director for another success in the video.

It isn't all blood soaked rainbows and unicorns however, for the video. Some shots in the video just seem unnecessary and there so people will talk about them. I'm sure M.I.A. realizes this, but they don't contribute to the video as a whole. Call me a critic or whatever, but the sex scene exists in the video simply so people like Linda France can say the video not only has graphic violence, it also has sex. It covers all the controversy bases so now chumps like me are writing about it.

I suggest you watch the video, regardless of my feelings, and generate your own opinion. It can be found at MIAUK.com and I'm sure it will remain there for a while. It /is/ graphic so... whatever.


~Mike


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I'm Back or Wolf Parade!

lets pretend there WASN'T a 1 year break between my last post and now

Last.fm tells me that Wolf Parade is like Ra Ra Riot, Born Ruffians, and Arcade Fire so I decided to give them a listen. I got their premier cd, Apologies to the Queen Mary, and enjoyed the slow cacophonous opening of the intro track of the album (You are a Runner and I am my Father's Son).

The album kind of picks up with the second track, Modern World. I feel the Born Ruffians style a bit more with this song with an almost Modest-Mouse-meets-Delta-Spirit-style vocal delivery. I feel like Last.fm was right on the money, as the instrumentals remind me of Ra Ra Riot's baroque-popish instrumentation mixed with the eerie echoes of Arcade Fire. The song is definitely catchy and almost Shin-like.

Grounds for Divorce continues the album with a style unmistakably similar to my other favourite indie bands, but with a twinge of unique and interesting added in. It's like straight up indie rock with a spacey and almost psychedelic twinge. I guess I shouldn't be surprised of these similarities as they share a label with The Shins and were signed to it by Modest Mouse's Issac Brock.

The album is consistently catchy and musically solid, ranging tonally from eerie and down-toned This is a Long Drive... to frenetic and exasperated.

The style becomes familiar after a short stint on the album, but doesn't grow stale until the 10th or 11th track. This is, however, of no detriment to the band as I have an extremely low attention span.

Check out the album or take a listen at their Myspace

~Mike

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Hank Hates Us All

I recently started watching Californication on Showtime and find it ironically engrossing. The irony of the situation arises from the title character's own vehement hatred to blogging and the idea of the internet.

Hank, played by David Duchovny, is a writer trying desperately to write another book despite his many vices and lack of inspiration. Hank fights his fate as a "One hit wonder" author after his novel "God Hates Us All" becomes popular and is adapted into a crowd-pleasing, but literarily disappointing film.

His obstacles to writing are alcohol, casual sex, the fact that people are stupid (If Orwell was a bit more pissed when he wrote "Politics and the English Language"), and being away from his home city of New York (Think if Bukowski ever left L.A.). Despite his pitiful situation, Hank is a likable guy with some flaws. He is hateful, condescending, and irreverent, but seems like a fun guy to hang out with.

Duchovny plays the role well. You can believe he is an artist who is only identified with one thing and has come to resent the world in which he resides... The show is entertaining, albeit sexually gratuitous. It’s like the creator of the show really wanted to milk the fact that it is on Showtime rather than a basic network.

Definitely not for the chiddlins, but entertaining television.